Let's Tesselate

I will be deleting this blog tomorrow after emptying it of any poetry or photos I want to keep.

Someone in chandler has been frequenting my nudes and I’ve become paranoid about who it could be and have some very very scary guesses.

This blog has been a home to me for years. Somewhere to go when I felt lost. Somewhere to dump my feelings. Somewhere to seek comfort. Somewhere to seek validation. Somewhere to seek inspiration. Somewhere to laugh. Somewhere where I had free reign.

I’m happy enough to where now I don’t need a digital home. I have myself and that’s all I will ever need.

I know some shitheads who hurt me or abandoned me or trash talked me follow me on here or frequent my blog. I’d just like to say fuck you.

I don’t know. It’s a sort of emotional thing deleting this Tumblr that I’ve kept with me for years. It really became a home and I find myself needing to burn it down. I need to burn down my past self, flames at the stake. Not to hide but to move forward anew, like a Phoenix. It’s time for me to fly the fuck out of these flames and be everything I want to be, with nothing I ever was holding me back.

If I could stop dreaming about ghosts of people who used to love me that’d be really nice
They aren’t themselves in my dream
They’re everything I’ve ever wished they could be
It’s never really romantic
They’re just there like nothing ever happened
I tell them everything I wish I could’ve said
But I digress
I digress
They are merely ghosts
Or maybe not even ghosts of those people
So far off
That they’ve become fictional characters
To appease me

lol I wanna be fucked so bad hmu
(But I probably won’t do it bc I keep changing my mind on people)
(But worth a try rn ok)

Being manic depressive it’s so hard to answer the question “how are you”
Like I can tell you if I’m better or worse than last week
I don’t really know what my base emotional state is
Like
How do you even answer that anyway

I know what I did wrong
I forgot to not need anyone else
But myself
I grew to need you
And I have to say
I have a lot of needs
But no one
Is as good as me
At meeting them
Love is a luxury
Not a necessity
I must treat it as such

I got desperate for attention and made some real mistakes
Some truly regrettable decisions

avpdqueen:

me? both avoiding and craving attention? you bet

darlingkuma:

people with STDs are used as a punchline and most people dont realize how dehumanizing that is.

“haha would you ever date someone with herpes? what if theres a really hot guy with AIDS would you date them”

people with STDs are still desirable. theyre not gross, theyre not dirty. they are not joke fodder. theres also more to them than their disease

so please stop making jokes of people with STDs. you really are no better than them or more valuable as a person than them simply because you are living without a sexually transmitted disease

I’m sad but I don’t want to die and I think that’s called progress?
And I don’t hate myself
I’m trying to be gentle
I think commitment is outside my natural form anyway
I’m a wanderer
I roam around around around around

flavorblaster:

Should’ve known you was trouble from the first kiss

had your eyes wide open

why were they open?

Hahaaaaa I am such a selfish impulsive idiot

It is so difficult
To not vilify
The person who seems
To be
The source
Of my pain
Who instead
Is merely
A central character
In a painful story

I want to go write some poetry but I know if I do I will just get more lost in my head and further from reality

Self destruction
Creation, destruction, creation, destruction